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Water and salt and stir. SAY LEAN! You’re welcome. See how smart I am? But because I love you dear followers, I present more solutions for our out-of-shape nation.

I am sick; sick of being labelled as “that sarcastic, satire guy”. This is, in fact what my embarrassed mother and fed-up father call me now, which is a pleasant change from “when are you moving out?”

You see, I am getting a little tired of this country. My immediate sphere, as well the larger emanation makes me so exhausted that this blogger and social commentator/sassy activist will now tell you what to do.

Apparently our credit rating is now in the negative. It is the first time since the late 90’s that we are in this big fat hole. Thanks a lot Lonmin Mines and Marikana peoples.

My friend said that we will find our way back when “we stop stealing from others and when we stop feeling that the rich owes the poor anything. [It will happen] when we take responsibility for our own shortcomings”. Now obviously that’s ridiculous and unrealistic.

So here’s what we now need to do:

We tastefully recreate what happened.  We may need to bus in immigrants to fill the roles so that may be a problem. I mean, where would we find people from other parts of Africa?

This could be our way of making up for not cashing in on Apartheid. A few museums do not do this justice.  Heck, we already do Township Tourism. Why stop there? I just hope no one beats me to the “Rape Rallies” idea.

This could be our version of those American Civil War re-enactments. And let’s face it; if the Americans do it, it has to be right, right?  It might not go off well with government though. I know how much those guys and gals at the top HATE the theatre and dramatics of politics.


In case you heathens don’t read your Bibles, Wkikpedia says that this joyous book says that if you don’t use it, cut it off. Or if it doesn’t work, cut it off. Either way, I say we cut off some loose ends.

Let’s start with Limpopo, simply because of the word “popo”, or the anagram “poop” (don’t pretend you weren’t thinking it). Next we have the North-West. Surely we can move Sun City if we ever need to host Miss World/ Universe again.

Then there’s that other hot bed of hot messness that needs to go like a ho, the Eastern Cape. For my international followers, Google these places and cower in horror. We can keep the Northern Cape for that Kimberly place because that way I won’t be the only thing called “The Big Hole” in this country. WE can’t have that, now can we?

Let us not pretend that “natural beauty” can’t be bought. I’m a Capetonian, I see natural beauty on people’s faces all the time and baby photos cannot change that drastically. Ask me, I used to be called The Nose. Now I’m just called The Nosy due to a blog, inquisitive disposition and clever marketing.

So what’s the solution? Sugar plus water to make a yummy caramel. Or, and this is where I go revolutionary on you and even do a parenthesis … [BAM!] We lop it off and sell it to the Chinese! Again, you were all thinking it and I had the guts to say it. OF COURSE we will fix them up, flip it and make it a profit. If there’s one thing we know how to do in this country, it’s how to renovate. It may lead to an awkward body shape for our country, but we can do it, girls. It’s better than my other solution of buying our boring older cousin Namibia and having a hunchback.

Let’s get back in shape and figure this out. What do you say?


<p>Author <a href=”https://plus.google.com/102128103971030481396” target=”blank” rel=”author”>Jerome Cornelius</a></p>

Comments on: "Yet another “jawonthefloor” Solution (you’re welcome)" (1)

  1. eish I think being the wife of Zuma has done wonders to your morals. I envision you as the Next Winnie Madikizela Mandela…Go Women’s League. Tell Uncle Jacob I said Hi.

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