Everyone goes through heartbreak and betrayal, and whether you’re talking about a family member or a friend, it is essentially the same feeling. Even a death can seem to many as a betrayal. And in the case of a breakup, or a feud, when you just know that you have lost what you had with someone, you realise that there is no greater pain than losing someone who is still alive. (Although I respect the opinion that death is also a great loss to many)
This is my way to avoid this feeling, which is essentially a consolation. Think of a field – it could be football (American, or soccer) but the concept is the same. It is rectangle in shape with a half-way line. The line is the important part. Now think of yourself on one side, and the person on the other, except you are both on the same team. This might confuse people who are so geared towards society’s obsession with competition. On this field, however, you can only go as far as the middle line. The only point in which you are face to face is at the half-way line.
We all want the best for the people in our lives. In my case this translates to me being too pushy and driving them away. Dammit. But we can, and should, only go as far as the half-way line, and then be content with that.
The Messiah complex is absolutely detrimental to a relationship. You cannot save someone. It is as simple as that. I’ve always loved this quote from Kahlil Gibran, on children, who says:
Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.
This, I believe, can be applied to relationships to all people in our lives.
I use something on Twitter that I call #ProbablyPlagiarised, although in this instance I know that I have heard various versions of this saying. Life is essentially a series of moments. People come in and out of our lives all the time. You holding on to a time that has passed is not being true to you current self, state and situation(s) and those around you with whom you are meant to be exchanging energies. .
If you think of your journey as a series of highways, with each of us inevitably intersecting at some point, would you not rather ride alongside others and arrive at your respective destinations safely, or would you want to crash? Unfortunately for many people, this analogy is all too real and the crash is sometimes quite literal.
Remember, you can’t save them. You shouldn’t have to. Their failure is not your failure. Give your love, then be content that you gave it. That’s all that you really can do.
<p>Author <a href=”https://plus.google.com/102128103971030481396” target=”blank” rel=”author”>Jerome Cornelius</a></p>