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Posts tagged ‘abuse’


Chauvinist or Realist? (Did she deserve it?)

I finally got the nerve to post this one. Read a previous post for another point of view on my issues with the sexes: https://jawonthefloor.wordpress.com/2012/03/17/vagina-vs-the-world-aluta-a-labia/

This post will have a similar follow-up.


So I’m about to be real controversial now, but I have a question that I need to ask. This came up in various conversations with friends. I’m mostly neutral on the subject and tend to listen and observe more than participate in these discussions.

Does a woman deserve to be beaten?

Let me explain.

Firstly, I use “woman” as the prevalence of female abuse is higher and more publicised than the inverse. Going into other dynamics (male abuse, gay couples, etc.) could go on forever, so this is the example I use for now.

We’ve all heard about this issue. Tina Turner became the poster child for it in my consciousness, until Rihanna replaced her as the new “it” girl of publicised abuse (this is debatable to some who would say Whitney was also up there)

Now my answer to the above question is NO, of course not. Obviously not! How dare I ask such a question?!

But after the Rihanna incident (Chris Brown beat her in his car before the 2009 Grammy awards resulting in their cancellation at the ceremony and charges being laid against him) many differed. Many FEMALES differed.

I don’t want to focus specifically on Rihanna because this is such a broad issue. However, what struck me is how people react to these situations. Is it ever justified to ask, “But what did she do to make him do it?”

I do not have the answers.

I’ve been preaching female independence for as long as I can remember. This does not always make me popular amongst their male companions, but so be it. Because if they do hit you, you do not need to depend on anyone, so you can get out of it.

This is, of course, not as easy in lower socioeconomic conditions in which a female has to often depend on a man, or others. However (and this is where the questions come in) why do these women provoke men who they know will do these things to them?

Again, I feel a pain in my stomach that makes me feel uncomfortable asking that. But this is something which I have witnessed with a friend as a couple argued. A beautiful young lady who had a great career and was pregnant with this man’s child, kept pushing him until later on, he would hit her. The baby was fine, but if she didn’t leave, why did she keep provoking him with prompts which had proved to set him off?

Conversations with two separate friends surprised me as they had both, on different occasions and topics, gone against the traditional views. They had said that, yes there is no excuse for abuse, but what happened to make the men do that to them? What did Rihanna do in the car to Chris Brown to make him do that to her? Why not just dump him?

Why not just walk away? Why not stand up?

It’s a point I’ve made countless times. You need to stop needing people.

Ok, that was tough. But like I’ve said before, it’s a blog post and meant to stimulate debate and hopefully make a point in a few words.

I’d be interested in hearing thoughts.


<p>Author <a href=”https://plus.google.com/102128103971030481396” target=”blank” rel=”author”>Jerome Cornelius</a></p>

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