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Gay Bar Lessons

No, this is not (only) the name of the porn film into which I was tricked in to starring, again. On Friday I was out again, for the first time in a long time. It was actually a drag bar, to be precise. I think.

Ok, let me get this straight, and then I’ll revert again. The site was Bubbles, the bar in Greenpoint where resident queen Vida Fantabisher performs. She… is… stunning! The consummate lady in a dress who puts any woman to shame, and rightly so. She flounces around between lip-synching sets and does little witty repartees with the patrons.

This establishment has been under new management many times. I must say that I prefer this incarnation the most. It seems less pretentious than the other bars it used to be.

“The scene”, however, as the mostly nightlife of the gay community of a city is called, has not changed much. Refer to older posts in this “Gender and Sexuality” category for my fragmented stance on this community for a broader and more confused perspective. I will say that it is a stereotype from afar, and usually remains such until one zooms in. I had a more substantial night with two sets of great guys, with wining and whining in unequal doses.

But on to the lessons. I know people, me included, who are so sick of the judgement and superficiality of this scene. It was present again when I was there, but I saw it with new eyes. I have to admit that I do judge, yet I try to remain conscious of it. But after being locked away and focusing on my studies, I felt like an outsider. This was of course my own doing. It was also thanks to a friend telling me I dance like a robot [you’re an asshole Bradley]

We all want to be loved and accepted. Nearly everyone at a club is self-conscious. Everyone also denies it. We all want to fit in. And that’s ok.

There was a bet going around that night. A man, who was recently divorced, made a bet with someone that they would try to kiss as many people as possible in 15 minutes. Crazy, right? Or just the nature of the game? Again, I found myself judging until I thought, “Why not?!” I didn’t kiss anyone, but more power to him. However you want to extract your diamond of love from the coal of this world, play on players.

We all want our own space to be free. When I used to go clubbing a few years ago, I had “friends” with whom I would only interact in the club. When I saw someone from those days recently, it made me realise how we had absolutely nothing in common besides “I love this song” and “see you next week.”

Expecting people to feel the same freedom is unfair. I feel this freedom in myself. Or at least I try to as often as possible. Others need a space of their own, especially if not provided that space in the “real” world. If your family, friends and most of society is constantly knocking you down, a dark room with flashing lights and alcohol is pretty much the best thing ever. Standing in the back, I saw this for the first time with a new perspective.

This is, of course, still not an excuse to lose one’s self in this setting. Before I go on and on about consciousness again, I just think that we should be aware of how we navigate these spaces. You don’t want to wake up a few years later only to realise that instead of making a few meaningful connections, you made many semi meaningful ones. It happens, especially without awareness. You see, that wasn’t too preachy.

Overall it was a good night and one I’d like to do again without the head full of thoughts and bad back.

Thank you Bubbles and Miss Fantabisher. I salute you.


<p>Author <a href=”https://plus.google.com/102128103971030481396” target=”blank” rel=”author”>Jerome Cornelius</a></p>

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