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“Re Sorry” (What I learned in a marriage seminar) The Final Part!

The talk ended with what he called the “reset” button. Yes, exactly like in video games and computers. Push a button and it all goes away and you start from scratch.

In relationships this is called forgiveness. Absolute. Overarching. Wholly (Even holy, id say).

Too many of us use this as a way of holding the past over the heads of our partners. If someone says they are sorry, it is not for you to hold on to it to later throw it back in the persons face. There should be a lightness on the shoulders as you both bring your halves to the table and eventually and peacefully… LET IT GO.

But this forgiveness that is all-encompassing must also be sincere. To say a word without appreciating its true meaning is not doing justice to you or your partner. Throw in a little love and make your partner believe that you are grateful to have them, not just in that moment, but in your life, and ask for forgiveness as you give yours.

I have forgiven in this way where it is simply about getting the uncomfortable confrontation out of the way and appeasing the other person and myself. Guess what? I cheated myself. I’m the one who ended up the loser.

Once love becomes a norm, we must accept people as they are. Gungor said that God made people a certain way (excluding cheating, lying, betrayal, etc) on purpose. So why try to change them?!

Know yourself first, and then really get to know your partner.

Bottom line: I am sorry.

<p>Author <a href=”https://plus.google.com/102128103971030481396” target=”blank” rel=”author”>Jerome Cornelius</a></p>

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“Re Sorry” (What I learned in a marriage seminar) Part 1

To my faithful Floor Jawers, you all know that I can be serious at times.

This is partially one of those times. Last night I was in church. Well, it was a seminar on marriage and relationships; so more church in a wedding/funeral/once-a-year Easter or Christmas thing for me.

This post started out in my head as a rumination on the word “Sorry” This is something that has come to be such a bastardisation of what this word is intended to mean. How often do you say this word? You, yes YOU reading this my little blogette?! I am guilty of this. A friend told me recently that she was also guilty of abusing this word and used it as a tool of appeasement.

So this all changed as I attended this seminar.

What I stumbled upon was the second day of “Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage” by Mark Gungor at the Hillsong Church in Cape Town. I attended with my friend and her boyfriend and a bevy of couples, old and young. It was such a treat! Even as someone who is not good at relationships and doesn’t know much, I had endless lightbulbs going off.  My friend reached out to me as she (like others) was so sick of the funk that I am in and thought that I might get something from it. And I did! So here I offer a review of what I experienced.

Everything I thought I knew got thrown out the door as this man spoke. Now I want to do him justice, but at the risk of plagiarising or grossly reducing his words, I have combined them where necessary with my own opinion or experience. And to get your own idea of this, check out http://www.laughyourway.com/about/mark-gungor/ yourself.

***

It started out with Gungor comparing people to countries. We each have our own way of thinking, feeling, list of characteristics and a vehicle that accompanies each category which exemplify these types.

To gloss over them quickly (and not doing them justice for the length of this entry), these are divided into Control, Perfect, Fun and Peace countries. Each of these are reasonably self-explanatory, however they are indicative of what makes each of us unique and special. Your characteristics determine which country type you fall under.

The problems in relationships come when we welcome others into our “country” and chastise them for being who they are. Think of multi-culturalism and how immigrants are made to feel inferior for celebrating themselves, in a different country. Why do we want to criticise others for simply being and doing what they are good at?

This was a major theme for the night and a revelation for me. I have experienced this where people have asked or wondered why I cannot be a certain way. I am not destructive, so then why have a problem with me doing or saying certain things?

Because you don’t know me.

Because I do not know my self.

We do not know ourselves, so how can we possibly expect to know each other?

At this point my arms were sore from putting my hands up in praise. This was done in a non-Christian/religious way, because I am not that way inclined, but when someone speaks truth to power, I have no option but to acknowledge. And child, let me tell you, this man was (en)lighting up my world like never before.

You simply cannot “keep from others what makes them their best” he said. When we criticise the people in our lives for doing things that they, you know, DO, you are essentially denying them from that part of themselves. Someone from the Fun country likes attention, so someone from Perfect country cannot scold and say that they should stop acting that way simply because it is not compatible with their way of life.

We all want others to see our points of view and to GET us.  But we all love in our own way and this should be celebrated!

<p>Author <a href=”https://plus.google.com/102128103971030481396” target=”blank” rel=”author”>Jerome Cornelius</a></p>

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