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Yet another “jawonthefloor” Solution (you’re welcome)

Water and salt and stir. SAY LEAN! You’re welcome. See how smart I am? But because I love you dear followers, I present more solutions for our out-of-shape nation.

I am sick; sick of being labelled as “that sarcastic, satire guy”. This is, in fact what my embarrassed mother and fed-up father call me now, which is a pleasant change from “when are you moving out?”

You see, I am getting a little tired of this country. My immediate sphere, as well the larger emanation makes me so exhausted that this blogger and social commentator/sassy activist will now tell you what to do.

Apparently our credit rating is now in the negative. It is the first time since the late 90’s that we are in this big fat hole. Thanks a lot Lonmin Mines and Marikana peoples.

My friend said that we will find our way back when “we stop stealing from others and when we stop feeling that the rich owes the poor anything. [It will happen] when we take responsibility for our own shortcomings”. Now obviously that’s ridiculous and unrealistic.

So here’s what we now need to do:

We tastefully recreate what happened.  We may need to bus in immigrants to fill the roles so that may be a problem. I mean, where would we find people from other parts of Africa?

This could be our way of making up for not cashing in on Apartheid. A few museums do not do this justice.  Heck, we already do Township Tourism. Why stop there? I just hope no one beats me to the “Rape Rallies” idea.

This could be our version of those American Civil War re-enactments. And let’s face it; if the Americans do it, it has to be right, right?  It might not go off well with government though. I know how much those guys and gals at the top HATE the theatre and dramatics of politics.

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In case you heathens don’t read your Bibles, Wkikpedia says that this joyous book says that if you don’t use it, cut it off. Or if it doesn’t work, cut it off. Either way, I say we cut off some loose ends.

Let’s start with Limpopo, simply because of the word “popo”, or the anagram “poop” (don’t pretend you weren’t thinking it). Next we have the North-West. Surely we can move Sun City if we ever need to host Miss World/ Universe again.

Then there’s that other hot bed of hot messness that needs to go like a ho, the Eastern Cape. For my international followers, Google these places and cower in horror. We can keep the Northern Cape for that Kimberly place because that way I won’t be the only thing called “The Big Hole” in this country. WE can’t have that, now can we?

Let us not pretend that “natural beauty” can’t be bought. I’m a Capetonian, I see natural beauty on people’s faces all the time and baby photos cannot change that drastically. Ask me, I used to be called The Nose. Now I’m just called The Nosy due to a blog, inquisitive disposition and clever marketing.

So what’s the solution? Sugar plus water to make a yummy caramel. Or, and this is where I go revolutionary on you and even do a parenthesis … [BAM!] We lop it off and sell it to the Chinese! Again, you were all thinking it and I had the guts to say it. OF COURSE we will fix them up, flip it and make it a profit. If there’s one thing we know how to do in this country, it’s how to renovate. It may lead to an awkward body shape for our country, but we can do it, girls. It’s better than my other solution of buying our boring older cousin Namibia and having a hunchback.

Let’s get back in shape and figure this out. What do you say?

 

<p>Author <a href=”https://plus.google.com/102128103971030481396” target=”blank” rel=”author”>Jerome Cornelius</a></p>

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The State of Us

What can I say about what’s been happening in sunny South Africa  recently that hasn’t been said? Funny how the weather in the fair Cape has been a right bitch (I actually like rain, wind and cold, but I’m speaking metaphorically, of course).

From the Marikana mine MASSACRE, to the mass protests in Cape Town over service delivery, we are in trouble. I do not agree with the doom mongers who try to beat us as a country down and not give us a chance. However, we are not doing enough.

This ties in nicely with that other mess of a situation of which I have spoken previously: The Limpopo education DEBARCLE.

How are we ever going to move forward without education? We shan’t. Never in a million years.

Let’s look at the situations: those people at Marikana were living in abject poverty, a couple hundred metres from the platinum mines. Surely the big guys at the top should have been looking out for them, no?

The people in the Western Cape were jumping and hollering like children trying to get their ways.

I disagree with police people being killed and I sympathise with the families of the miners, but I think we are ALL responsible here. I am not one to place blame on one party. When I play the blame game, everyone gets an equal squirt from me.

These people want necessities and we in the middle can only shake our heads and say “Tsk tsk, ‘tis a shame”.  These people have never heard of mass letter/e-mail campaigns, peaceful protests, silent marches and sit-ins. I won’t even pretend to know what it is like to not have a house, toilet or food. And if I didn’t, you can bet there would be hell to pay.

And on the other side, there are the powers that be, fighting each other while people kill each other. It is becoming a war zone, with kids watching on, taking notes.

We are grooming a new generation of obedient sheep. This is the generation (I narrowly avoided this, thank you God) that is hypnotised by endless stimuli and leave school with their eyes firmly on the little box in front of their eyes. This little box that shapes their world. These people fighting at the top are moulding our future and we are all just shaking our heads.

Do you see how complicit EVERY SINGLE PERSON is in the state of this glorious nation? You can’t escape it simply by blaming government or miners or the minster or president or premier or whoever you think is responsible. You are in charge of your own world and what you do in your immediate surroundings will emanate outward.

Go on, stand up.

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For a view on education, check out my good friends blog entry. It’s angry, polemic and it makes sense. Read it and nod.  And in his words, if you don’t like it, then f*** off. His words. His. And sometimes mine.

http://tophelschnazel.blogspot.com/2012/08/if-its-too-polemic-fuck-you-its-my-blog.html?spref=fb

<p>Author <a href=”https://plus.google.com/102128103971030481396” target=”blank” rel=”author”>Jerome Cornelius</a></p>

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I Love My SA, but…

I did not intend to write about this particular subject today, however when the prompt comes, there is no choice but to comply.

Why are we such a mess and we the hell can’t we get the simple things right?

I, like others, am riding sky high on our recent Olympic highs. Cameron van der burgh and Chad le clos, you beauties!!

My gripe, however, goes the other way. Like I said, I’ve been thinking about for the longest time, so I just felt it really strongly today.

I attend the University of the Western Cape and am a proud South African citizen, yet both of these… institutions (if you must) disappoint me at times, making my pride very hard to maintain.

This may seem like a liberal new SA rant, but why can’t we just get the small things right? The examples that come to mind are things like administrative gripes. An office that cannot process documents correctly, when that is all you need to do, should not be allowed in a country that is so alive with infinite possibility and potential.

Recently I entered a competition, there were immense irregularities and at the end I mailed the marketing manager of The Big Issue which was running the competition. I made it clear that I was not contesting the vote, but I had concerns about how fair it was. The reply was generic and did not address me or my concerns.

Anyone remembers that time when SABC 3 cocked up the final of Survivor: Yugoslavia/Cameroon/Peruvia (or whatever country it was in that time) airing the winner in the reunion episode before announcing the winner?

How many more times must exam papers be lost at the Anthropology/Sociology at UWC without the excuse of “sorry, that’s just the way it is. You can rewrite it with the others…”?

This may seem fragmented, but these are the examples that are close to me and pop into my mind. More recent is the textbook scandal in Limpopo province. How are we supposed to run as a nation when one of our less prominent provinces can’t even get textbooks delivered? Come on, I hear myself shouting!! Surely these things should be simple and easy to conduct.

A competition, a TV show, the future of children… seemingly unrelated occurrences which all boil down to the same thing – we could do better. We are better.

Let’s do something small and just strive for efficiency and make things work. Surely it can’t be THAT difficult. Or can it?

It shouldn’t take a World Cup/ gold medal/ death or birthday of an icon to pull us together and make us want to be better!

 

<p>Author <a href=”https://plus.google.com/102128103971030481396” target=”blank” rel=”author”>Jerome Cornelius</a></p>

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