The best intentions are sometimes not enough for us to lose our way. I speak of reminders to maintain consciousness, because in a modern world of distractions, this can be hard to accomplish.
JAW has not been well lately. By that I mean emotionally, especially since he is once again referring to himself in the third person. Ok, enough of that.
I opened my cupboard and saw this
My daily affirmations which have always been there, written in January 2011 and recently forgotten. They read:
- I am an academic rockstar (arrogant, but true)
- I am love (came true… twice!!)
- I am a writer (still riding this one for as long as I can)
- I am the best version of who I want to be (ahem. Thanks a lot Deepsmack Chop-ram. Many would probably disagree with this. It comes and goes, but read on, it will make sense)
- I am success (debatable, but I’m going with YES)
- I am the light (totes new age, right?)
And this was my reminder: what you are need not be aspired to, because it lives within you. All it needs is some encouragement to grow.
I had another moment of re-revelation recently. I was in a taxi on the way home. This is an extract from my journal:
I forgot to write about this the other day, but strangely enough, the feeling has remained. I was in the taxi on the way home on Friday. The interview went well, I felt well, the weather was well. Well, I had the beginnings of a headache, but it was as if nothing had happened before. The past seemed to fade away, and content and peace filtered in. I was happy, and content and at peace and I was completely aware of it. Nothing else mattered but being there, squashed between two large women, listening to the melodious tune of Xhosa, no one angry or hurt or disappointed, just eager to get home. In that moment, that was where I was meant to be.
The lesson here was another reminder. What we have is what we have. Dare I speak that recent overused adage of the unimaginative: It is what it is? But it is, unfortunately, true. All we need is all we have, because it is what we have. And that is enough. This, of course, goes against the capitalist manifestos of more more more, yet one could ask, where does that stop? Growth never stops. It’s up to you to choose which one, spiritual or material.
Something I’ve been saying of late, which goes against what I believe and is in keeping with how I’ve been feeling, is “I feel ok, for now. Not sure how it will be tomorrow but…” and on and on I go. This was the usual response when friends enquired about me. But why anticipate a time that has yet to arrive?
I am ok now, and that is enough.
<p>Author <a href=”https://plus.google.com/102128103971030481396” target=”blank” rel=”author”>Jerome Cornelius</a></p>