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Sixth Zuma Wife speaks out – Nkandlagate

Such an exciting time for our nation, and world, and all people seem to do is complain.

So much has happened over the past few days that people don’t realise what a blessing this is for our nubile young nation.

As the sixth wife of President Jacob Zuma (he asked me to stop calling him by his pet names because it’s not professional, or African, or something) I am appalled by the people of this country.

Would you ingrates complain if Barry (that’s Mr Obama to the rest of you) spent a few Randelas on the White House for necessary upgrades? Not a chance! You people have no idea about the African way of doing things. Nkandla would be a national monument… to us. If any of you are ever in the area, you’re more than welcome to pop in for some tea and samp. If you can make it through the roadblocks and the locals we hired to… protect our homestead, then you deserve a special corner in our compound.

These locals are an essential feature of our humble home. I told JJ that they add ambience and flavour, not to mention the good it would do for the economy. The security of them is merely an afterthought. And the way they protected us from that devil, Zille! Imagine if she had crossed the threshold of our abode. Who does she think she is? Demanding rights and quoting from the “constitution”. As if we took that book seriously!

As the sixth wife to a very distinguished man, and brave leader (who happen to be the same person) I would defend our upgrades to kingdom come. For people to tell us that our way of life is morally corrupt is appalling? I beg to differ! We are only corrupt in the financial sense, and any other implication is highly offensive. We are humans and we have feelings. Just last week I called Lindi (that’s Lindiwe Sisulu you ignorant fools! Do keep up, please!) from the private jet, I couldn’t help but complain. She cried a little as she remembered the good ol’ days when we would go shopping abroad together on “business trips”. I hung up before she got too teary, but I could relate. We who fought in the struggle fought hard and deserve the best. So if I want a personalised underground tunnel for a midnight rendezvous with my husband, I don’t think that racist allegations should be tossed my way.

But it seems that this racist media has finally woken up and shown their first families some respect. Like I said, you are all welcome, anytime we are not there, especially readers of jawonthefloor, but to name our front door “Nkandla-gate”, well that was just too kind of you! Now if you all could name the rest of our home, especially my four closets, that would be much appreciated.


<p>Author <a href=”https://plus.google.com/102128103971030481396” target=”blank” rel=”author”>Jerome Cornelius</a></p>

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