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100 Dates Failed? Update

“I don’t think so!” he said snapping his fingers and working his neck.

That was me narrating myself.

For those of you voyeurs who watched as I took the 100 Dates Challenge this year, don’t worry, I didn’t forget about it. Between studies and personal mock, it didn’t quite happen as it was meant to. Was it a failure? Nope. Do I regret it? No way! You clearly don’t know the jawonthefloor way if that’s the natural assumption.

What I set out to do was find my groove and just get all that awkwardness out of the way and improve social skills. Some people didn’t believe this and thought it was an excuse to whore around. So be it. If that’s what people want to use the 100 Dates Challenge for, that’s fine.

Instead I went on many dates with the same person, and they were great! If I had been counting, I’m sure I probably even exceeded 100, not that that was the intention. Remember if you going to do this challenge for yourself find a balance between quantity and quality. The idea is to get them all out of your system to make yourself a master dater and exceptional social navigator, but if you think you have met the right person on the way (go back and check the rules in the other posts in the category and feel free to make up your own as you go along, just like we did) then don’t let anything stand in your way. If it “fails”, it “fails.” Of course, if you’re a good Floor Jawer you will know that there are no failures in life.

I didn’t learn those social skills and experience that first “date” exhilaration that comes with the unexpected. All of the dates were with friends anyway! But again, no regrets. I had some great conversations that I would not normally have outside of the context of friendship with Tswana Queen, jolyndotme.wordpress.com and Queen Galaktika. I had a great time and always lots of laughs.

So where to from here? Keep earning, learning, living and exploring is the answer. Like I said, the Challenge didn’t go as planned, but what does? In this I see the beauty of life; unexpected and filled with blessings. Always a lesson to learn, I say.

 

<p>Author <a href=”https://plus.google.com/102128103971030481396” target=”blank” rel=”author”>Jerome Cornelius</a></p>

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WWTD? When good things go bad

The conversation went as such:

–          But how do I not care about him?!

–          The question is, how did you stop caring about yourself?

Is this really the “answer” to relationships going bad?

This was the wisdom from the Tswana Queen in her usual simple, yet effective way.

I have spoken about this issue at length, some on this blog; however when one is faced with a problem, it is so much harder than writing about it. Although writing does help.

I had this discussion with a friend and we came up with the acronym WWTD – What Would Taylor Swift Do? Apparently, rumour has it, that the scathing songs of love and heartache which she has written were slyly aimed at her exes, including Joe Jonas.

Is this girl crazy? Or is she simply a genius? Is putting your heartache on paper and passing it around for the world to see a good idea? I’m doing the swaying ship between tacky and smart. Maybe I should shut up as I do the same on this blog.

Whatever happened to letting people imagine for themselves… or are we just a bunch of speculators?

After all, Carly Simon has yet to reveal who “Youre So Vain” was really for.

<p>Author <a href=”https://plus.google.com/102128103971030481396” target=”blank” rel=”author”>Jerome Cornelius</a></p>

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1st “Real” Date

For those following the 100 Dates challenge which some of my friends and I are doing, a new rule was implemented (because we make it up as we go along). The number of people who you can ask out on a date whom you know personally may not exceed five. So I passed that number about four dates ago.

But before I get ahead of myself, a quick recap. Or lack of one. The other challengers/daters have been slacking off. Tswana Queen and Bienkie have both been quite lazy and complacent and have not upped their dating game. I’m not one to speak, seeing as I’ve had just one extra since the last post.

Back to the date. The Hippo is a friend whom I met via Facebook. An all-round good guy, I was not too worried about this one. And true to form it flowed from the start. We blazed through conversations ranging from careers (and lack of, in my case), likes and dislikes, hates and dis-hates. We had a lot in common. More than I ever expected, which is always a good thing.

However, I thought that I would present this one differently. A friend and follower suggested I do a “Do’s and Don’ts” after the dates. So I thought I would try it with this one.

Do :

–          Your research. Don’t ask someone to bowling at a mall where there is still construction and you are not sure whether the food court is fully operational. It was not. Google is your friend. Tygervalley shopping centre, I hate you.

–          Listen and allow the other person to talk. A seemingly obvious detail, but how they forget. I learned a lot by doing this!

–          Choose wisely from the menu. I thought I was being cute choosing the starters to share, then I messed the salsa and the cheese on the mushrooms was a nightmare.

–          Speak about your exes… only if you both are ok with that part of your histories. We excelled in this; discussing the fools in a candid way.

Don’t :

–          Be too generous with your sense of humour if it is quite biting and often misunderstood. I had no problems with this one, thank the gods.

–          Try to be perfect. You will seem pretentious. This was a conscious decision on my part to be myself, but also not too much as to compensate for nerves (yes there were nerves!) Although I made sure to not order any chicken. That would have been a disaster for me. I love chicken.

That’s it. Another one down and one step closer to dating glory. As you can see, the “Don’ts” are much shorter than the “Do’s.”  This should be inspiration to others to not be nervous when trying something new. I hope that everyone is at least a little inspired to meet new people and refine those social skills. I already feel like a master conversationalist, so there’s one feather in my cap. Looking forward to other challengers stepping up to the plate.

<p>Author <a href=”https://plus.google.com/102128103971030481396” target=”blank” rel=”author”>Jerome Cornelius</a></p>

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Another Date – La Di Da

Two, to be exact. This past week alone I got promiscuous, but only in one sense. Yes, I have found my momentum again and this dater is back in the game. Two productive dates and once again, I have learned new things about myself through them.

One, Oprah aint got nothin’ on me! I am really improving on my conversation skills. Dewey was my first one. We had tea and a plum. No euphemism there. We sat under a tree and spoke and spoke. He is shy, even admitted to it. But after that hour I couldn’t shut him up. We went from life goals to love to romance to everything else in-between. When things got awkward, I had to jump in with a question and things went smoothly after that. I don’t know how we interviewers do it. Even though I have known him for a about two years, our conversation flowed and was so spontaneous.

Until he went quiet and stared at me. That awkward moment.

The second thing I learned is how much about myself I never really knew at all, or had forgotten. Once you really engage with someone, sit down and take in what they are saying; when you are fully present and can be conscious in their space and share that space, then you will really learn who you are. My second date this week was with The Shark. It too was pleasant and whimsical. Unfortunately there were no flying leaves, hot cocoa, and twirls. No, we just sat and spoke, but it was Autumn Awesome! As he spoke about his shit, so mine came pouring out. Now there is an image I wish I had thought over, maybe peer reviewed. Oh well.

We shared chips and drank some Oros. I got a little nervous as I thought later about what else I have to talk about as these dates go on. “How do I remain fresh and edgy?” asked the voice in my head which sounded like a model trying to hang on to the “heroin chic” look of the 90’s. This was not the first time that I have asked myself this question. Except this time the answer was not “more heroin and eyeliner.” The trick, according to me, is to stay relevant. Simple? Not always.

Going back to point one; reaching into the recesses of one’s mind may be easy when intoxicated, but I was neither drunk nor looking to lose anything. So everything I was saying was making sense and had to make sense to the other (also sober) people.
They were good dates, things were learned, laughs were had and I left rejuvenated and ready to keep meeting new and interesting people.

A quick update: the Tswana Queen has decreed that the number of dates which may be people you know personally may not exceed five. In which case I am screwed, and have to head back to that friggin drawing board.

 

<p>Author <a href=”https://plus.google.com/102128103971030481396” target=”blank” rel=”author”>Jerome Cornelius</a></p>

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Mock – A Gayle Staple

Mock is a word which is used often in my circle of friends and is popular in Gayle. For those who missed a previous blog post of mine, “Mabel Obligation”, this word will resonate and will hopefully make sense as you read on.

For a more comprehensive, yet brief overview of Gayle, do check out http://thestuddedroseblog.blogspot.com My friend and fellow blogger, @eugenemmathews , breaks it down in one simple post. Mock is a concept which feeds directly into that of “mabel obligation.” I’ll be brief, but Gayle is the alliterative dialect which uses female names and other similar sounding words. It has been adopted as the “gay language” by predominantly white and coloured English and Afrikaans speaking men in (again, mostly) Cape Town and Johannesburg.

The word “mock” can be used in a variety of ways. A mock describes a situation which is unfavourable, ridiculous, outrageous or favourably ludicrous, like a wild party. This fluidity of the word is exactly what makes Gayle, the dialect, such a mock! Words change meanings at the drop of a context. The word “mabel” is in itself an example of how slippery this “language” is. It is another form of “moffie” the derogatory term for a homosexual man which is now embraced by the community. Take that ‘phobes!

This concept of accept, adapt and embrace is also used for Mock. Like @eugenemmathews says, the word “was short for ‘mockery’ and then Cape Town’s homosexual community made it trendy.”  He goes on to clarify that “it has negative and fun connotations.” He explains that if he calls his enemy mock it’s bad, “but sometimes if I call a friend mock it’s good.” Confused? It will come with time and situation, so stay on board for more mock to come. I am personally going through some mock at the moment. But like the Tswana Queen always says, you can’t ignore the bad.

Why I decided to write a post about mock? Because I got my new cap this week! it was a gift from the Tswana Queen.

The “M” on it is so big and pronounced against the red that I just assumed it as a symbol of the “mock”  So go on; Do it because you’re mabel, do it because you can. Embrace the mock or it will swallow you alive.

 

 

 

 

 

<p>Author <a href=”https://plus.google.com/102128103971030481396” target=”blank” rel=”author”>Jerome Cornelius</a></p>

100 Dates Stalled

So it looks like this dater and blogger has hit a speed bump. My intention was to write a post after my previous date with Lane, a beautiful young lady whom I asked out for coffee and a peach. She of course agreed and we had a splendid time. The problem was that I arrived late and we were also interrupted by Angel, another new entrant to the blogging world and a potential next date. He called me into a meeting and then I had to leave for booty camp. Talk about busy for all the wrong reasons. Needless to say I was not impressed. Neither was Lane. In fact, she may still be sitting on that bench waiting for me to return like a war wife. I asked her out again and she was gracious as ever and readily agreed. Making time for these are hard! I’ve only had a handful and only with people I know>. This was my intention when embarking on the challenge, but even so, I must reiterate how exhausted I am at this point. But alas, I encourage all daters to not give up hope. Keep pushing and before you know it I will be giving the endless wedding speech. For now, I hope that everyone is still enjoying the challenge and increasing that circle of friendship.

 

<p>Author <a href=”https://plus.google.com/102128103971030481396” target=”blank” rel=”author”>Jerome Cornelius</a></p>

100 Dates Update

My friends and readers, I am tired. I have been on one date and I am already exhausted with the process. I don’t know how you people do it. I, on the other hand, had the best actual date with my better half. Looking at my photos, you know that anything other than me will be better. Let me keep that one to myself, and tell you about Bienkie’s date.

She went to see a friend who she had not seen in ages and they had tea. She was not sure on the rules and I had to assure her, that it was totally a date. And it was awesome apparently. This is the idea of the challenge. Even Bienkie, who also has a significant other, can enjoy the challenge without it being considered cheating. This is of course the trick, and many could use this as an excuse to cheat. These people are not allowed to join in. Thank you very munch.

Tswana has not had another date in a while, so I may need to swoop in and be the valiant prince that I am. Next on the agenda: Queen Galaktika. Sidebar: how creative am I with the pseudonyms? I am impressing myself more and more. Have you gone on a date yet? What are you waiting for?!

 

<p>Author <a href=”https://plus.google.com/102128103971030481396” target=”blank” rel=”author”>Jerome Cornelius</a></p>

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